I love my kids. Really I do. But this Mother’s Day I am spending it away from them, rather than with them. Now, before you go and pass judgement on me that I would actually choose to not be with the two human beings that actually made me a mother, let me explain. Every year, my mom and I take a “mother/daughter” trip to Palm Springs. This year, when we were looking at dates, one of the only options for us to get away together was the week of Mother’s Day. With my daughter’s upcoming show rehearsal schedule, it was not an option for us to go as a family, so that meant if I left, my husband would need to stay back and handle all the responsibilities for the week. Not only that, but I would be gone on Mother’s Day…tough decision. Do I go away with my mother and celebrate her, leaving my family behind, or do I stay at home with my kids and have them celebrate me?
As I sit here writing this, I am in Palm Springs with my beautiful mama. I did not make this decision on my own. It was actually prompted by my loving husband, knowing that what I needed most this Mother’s Day was a little time away for myself, with my mom. And why do I feel celebrated 150 miles away from home? Because my husband understands me. That’s what it comes down to. I don’t need gift or flowers on this day to feel loved. The fact that my husband unselfishly gave me this week with my mom, no guilt or strings attached, is the best gift of all. Actually, the fact that he understood what this time away would do for me is really the reason as to why I feel so loved.
For those of you reading this that are mothers, I am sure that you can agree that being understood by your family is more important than any activity that they could plan for you on Mother’s Day. Not saying that if you love flowers or gifts, those things should never be given. More to the point that when your family understands you, they know what you would prefer. But in order for them to ever understand you, you must be open with them and tell them things! I can remember in previous years, when Mother’s Day would come around, I would secretly hope that my husband would “get it right” and just know what I would actually want without having to tell him. Pretty unfair, right? I would end up at the end of the day disappointed that it was not what I had pictured in my mind. And the way I pictured it in my mind, was nothing I had ever discussed with him. On the surface, it would look like I was just being ungrateful. After all, my family really tried to center the day around me. But the more they tried, the more I felt that they just didn’t “get me”.
It hasn’t been until recent years that I could recognize that the reason that I would feel disappointed, was because I didn’t feel that they actually knew what I would enjoy. Did they know that I would much rather prefer reading a book outside on a sunny day, over a picnic? Did they understand that I would prefer sitting on my porch watching the sunset together, over being inside any one of my favorite restaurants? Do they know that I like to have my coffee first thing in the morning, before breakfast? Simple things, right? I have been married almost 16 years this month, and it has taken 15 of those years to learn that if I want my husband to know something, I need to actually vocalize it at some point in time, preferably before the day of the expectation! And that he actually wants to know those things. He doesn’t like the guessing game that gets played all to often. Do your family a favor and actually vocalize what it is you enjoy. I promise it will be much more worth it than if you let your wishes go unsaid. They love you, and want to celebrate you, but sometimes they need a little guidance. I hope that on this Mother’s Day you not only feel celebrated, but understood as well.