Perfectionism. It is one of my many flaws. It cripples me from moving forward in so many aspects of my life because I obsess over the need for it to be “perfect”. In fact, even this particular blog post has sat in a draft for days because I will read it, re-read it and always feel there is something that can be improved upon. And, if you are going to embark on this journey with me, you too, will see that there will always be something that could’ve been improved upon. If you are one of those people that gets distracted easily by flaws in a piece of writing, I am telling you right now, I am not your girl. HOWEVER, if you can appreciate openness, honesty, and vulnerability, then we will get along just fine. I believe in “full-disclosure” upfront, so that if you continue to keep reading, I can speak from my heart, and not worry I am being judged on my punctuation. Are you with me?
If you were to walk into my home on almost any given day, you might wonder if any kids actually live in it because everything is perfectly in its place and my love for home decorating is evident. However, if you were to actually open any drawers or closets, you would find clutter and disorganization. To an onlooker, it might look like I have it all together as I juggle school drops offs, showing a client properties, lunch meetings, school pick ups, being a theater mom, and the selfie that gets posted when my husband and I finally are out on a date. My life may even look glamorous at times when I get the privilege of attending VIP events up in LA with my girlfriends, and we snag a photo with a celeb. Social Media works that way, doesn’t it? It’s so easy to post only the “highlights” of our lives, but leave the mess hidden. But what exactly does that do for us as women?
I get it. I want it all, too. I want to be the top producer of my company at work, the “mom of the year”, the “wife of the year”, all the while looking absolutely incredible as I accept those awards in a designer dress with Mui Mui heels. But sometimes we spread ourselves so thin that we miss out on experiencing any joy in our lives. For me, the struggle to be perfect leaves me feeling that I just don’t measure up in any area of my life. Then, if I start to look around me, I can get caught up and consumed by the “comparison trap”. And it’s not just ourselves that we begin comparing to others, it’s sometimes our kids or even our spouses. The danger in this is that we start to develop a “blindness” to the blessings in our own life. We then can become dissatisfied with what we have and even towards the people around us. I don’t know about you, but I want to celebrate with my friends when good things happen in their lives. When I let jealousy creep in, I can become envious of their life which makes it extremely hard to be genuinely happy for someone. I’m sure you have encountered it…the friend that can never say anything nice towards you or throw a compliment your way? 9 times out of 10 it’s due to jealousy.
Embarking on this journey and entering the “blog world” is not only completely out of my comfort zone but I also do not feel qualified. As I researched other blogs to find out how to even start this venture, the more I read through, the more I felt I wouldn’t be able to compare to those other blogs that I read. I mean, in no way do I consider myself a writer. I like to write, but that’s just about where my credentials end. However, for whatever reason, I feel compelled to put myself out there. To throw out this need for it to be perfect, and just go with it. So here we are. I am choosing connection over perfection.